Love in Action

It’s one thing to know about hearing about marginalized voices and another to hear, know, respect and respond to them. One thing to dream and talk about being loving and another to love.

Yesterday Fabric folks took that uncomfortable step of putting love into action. Using the practice of Open Space, Fabric folks shared ideas and made plans for action. Want to learn from and with kids? Check this out.

What are you going to try?

Talk with someone you trust about the step you want to try. What do you hope for? What feels hard?

How can you use perspectives, people and practice to help you keep trying stuff and learning?

By the way, Fabric is made to help you have regular, dependable windows for discovering perspectives, people and practice around the deeper questions you don’t get to engage everyday, but yet matter deeply for everyday. Connect with the current conversation in person on Sundays, with a Group and via podcast.

A Basic Starting Point

"Can we understand that good people that don't know everything could mess up and still be good people?”

This past Sunday, Joanne Reeck named this as the place to start for talking, listening and learning about the complex realities around race. Here are a couple great talking points around this:

• Tell about a recent time you said or heard the words “I didn’t know that” (or wish you had).

• When is the last time you felt defensive or angry related to interactions around race, inclusion or social justice? How could you re-write that interaction with this idea as the starting place?

Joanne Reeck founded United for Change and serves as the Chief Inclusion Officer at Augsburg University. She spoke as part of Fabric Minneapolis gathering around Hearing Voices on November 10. Listen here!

The power of a better question

As part of our small ‘t’ truth conversation we’ve come around once again to the power of a better question. What makes a “better” question anyway? Let’s explore one take on it…

Whether it's with friends, family, kids, colleagues or our fellow citizens, we are practiced at asking questions full of opinions and agendas. How can you believe that? Or a couple of my favorite parenting questions, Why did you do that? and Did you [fill in mom’s agenda here] yet? While these may temporarily give me a sense of satisfaction, they also create defensiveness, secrecy and probably some shame in my kids! What I really want to foster are courage, conviction and connection.

So, if “better” could mean more HONEST questions that OPEN up new connections to learning, to each other and to our deeper convictions, I’m in! What are we talking about here? In brief:

Open questions: create discovery and new territory to explore; many possible answers. What are some experiences that have shaped your beliefs?

Closed questions: invite quick, yes/no answers, narrow the field, stifle discovery Did you feel sheltered growing up in a small town?

Honest questions: no answers I hope or expect to hear, trust and invite the wisdom in others to speak. What options have you considered?

Not so honest questions: Leading, I know what I want or expect to hear, may be tainted with cultural assumptions, advice-in-disguise. How do you feel about going to college?

Asking open and honest questions is harder and more powerful than we think.  We need low stakes, relaxed chances to practice. Below are 3 ideas for ways to try it, mess up, talk about it and try again!

ONE: Practice on yourself, in writing. Take an issue where you feel a little stuck and write out a Q & A, trying out questions on yourself as if someone else was asking you.

TWO: Over dinner with a friend or your family what if you just talked about it? “So when people need support or help talking something through, I feel like I could get better at asking helpful questions. What do you think makes a helpful or less helpful question?” Come up with examples together and talk about times with others that you’ve been on the receiving end of open & honest versus closed & not-so-honest questions. How did that feel? Admit that you want to grow in asking better questions and invite them to let you know when it might be time to question your question.

THREE: Here’s an exercise to do with a group…

1. Someone be the askee. Think of a lower stakes decision you are facing. (Maybe an invitation or request you’ve received, plans you are making, changes or purchases you are considering, a minor problem that needs to be addressed…)

2. Explain the decision to your Listener/Question Asker(s)

3. Listener/Question Asker(s) - listen attentively; then take a minute to jot down some ideas for open and honest questions.

4. Start asking! Try out your questions.

5. Hear a question that seems not so open and honest? Time to question your question? Call “PICKLES!” Share why, talk about it for a moment. Then keep going, keep messing up, keep learning.

6. Switch roles.

Have fun practicing!

Care IQ Reminders

Some situations go beyond regular friendship and care. They aren't going to be fixed. When you think you might be in a Care IQ situation, here are some key tools:

• Learn to ask, "What's my role?"

• Determine your boundaries. What can and can't, could and shouldn't you do? You aren't responsible for the other person's outcome.

• Listen. Not to fix or to fit them into your world of experience, but to understand their situation from their perspective; how they see/feel it. Validate Feelings, ask questions to better understand, ask 'What could I do that would be helpful to you today?'

• Widen the circle of care. Involve professionals, friends, family, employer, whoever seems appropriate. Check out Mental Health Connect as a starting point to help you connect to the most appropriate resources.